I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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