so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
