Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
