I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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