we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
