So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
