I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
