Sry I called you an 8
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
