the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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