If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
