was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
