Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm always down for nudity.
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