I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
