One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
