loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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