i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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