just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So vagazzling was a success
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize