Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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