I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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