But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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