I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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