I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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