I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
