not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize