I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
