Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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