Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
