I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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