dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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