rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
