cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
