she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
