I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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