boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
