I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
