I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
