So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
