I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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