Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
