Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize