the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
