just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
is wine microwaveable?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
NoShamevember. You game?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
