Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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