Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
