I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize