oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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