i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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