I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
