dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
