Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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