I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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