The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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