So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
