every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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