hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize