So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
