there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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