shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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