i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
