anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
