As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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