she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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