I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
