Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize