Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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