Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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