OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
