just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize