I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
