If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
