Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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