she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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