I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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