I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
