Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
