I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
