Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
