I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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