are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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