you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
