so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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