Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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