You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
