...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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