Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i need some magic done to my vagina
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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