...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize