If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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