uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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