The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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