Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
