I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
God, I missed his penis.
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