I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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