the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ketchup is God's man juice
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
