u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
