tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize