youre lurking in front of me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
