Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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