What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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