I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
