Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
